Taking the leap and choosing the pathless path

Notes on my resignation, a whole lot of unknowns and trusting what comes next

The news

It’s been exactly one week since my last post, but it feels like an entire year has passed - a year’s worth of experiences squeezed into just a few days. Our kitchen renovations are finally complete, after a last-minute flurry of chaos with tradesmen coming and going. I’m writing this from a whole other hemisphere - back home in Dublin, with jetlag (thankfully) working in my favour. And, most importantly, the thing I’ve been alluding to - but couldn’t write about for confidential reasons - has finally happened: I have resigned from my own company.

It’s official - I am free (from both work and a steady income - eek). There’s a chapter closing and it’s been a wild old ride of a year to get to this place.

The context

For the last decade, I have been an introvert working in a CEO role, founding and running a startup within a sales industry. I worked so hard at making it work for me - I connected with like-minded women whose conversations I found inspiring and energising, I created my podcast to do deep dives with successful people I admired in order to understand and relate to them on a much deeper level, I hired people who had exceptional brains and I adored guiding them to seeing their own potential.

I built a multi award winning brand that was based primarily on service and how well we treated the people we worked with - a relatively rare thing in our recruitment industry. I had significant impact on important non profits and social enterprises by directing our spend, donations and time to these businesses and I tried to show up with authenticity and vulnerability, despite the discomfort.

It felt aligned for so long because I made it my own (and because the people I’ve worked with are all just bloody brilliant humans). It gave me so many memories, opportunities, experiences and lessons - enough for a lifetime. But in return, I sacrificed so much for it; my health, my weekends, my energy and, at times, my sanity. But things change - I am sensitive and intuitive and in recent times, as I have experienced pregnancy loss and shifted into a state of deeper self-understanding, I had to face the realisation that this work no longer aligned with my soul.

Have you ever felt like you’re truly done with something?

It affects your brain, your energy, your mood, how you show up in the world. Your body knows first, of course, and mine did - it started to become obvious and manifest in physical symptoms, as I went through my own grief and heartache from our miscarriages, that this business baby I had created was no longer for me. I have undergone nothing short of an internal reckoning to get here; the fear that had to be overcome; the limiting beliefs that I had to challenge; the heaviness of the feeling of letting my team down. It has been a journey and one that has been so far from linear. I’ve wobbled, had doubts, been riddled with fear but I have kept moving forward, following the subtle pull of the things that truly make me sparkle (oh hi, Substack). For many months, as I’ve referenced in my writing, I’ve felt like I’ve been living in an inbetween land or a liminal space, and finally I can be open, remove the physical weight off my shoulders, move forward and cheer them on from the sidelines.

For now? I prioritise me. I prioritise my health. My future. My body. My deep need for alignment and calm and space. For a way of working that is in sync with my energy, my creativity and my curiosity. There are a lot of unknowns - but I genuinely believe that we must take risks to be rewarded.

Whatever my future career holds, I would like to be seeing this notification a whole lot more

What is this life for?

To be a slave to a system or structure that runs us instead of the other way around?

Or can we break away from what we’ve been sold?

Can we create things in our own way?

Can we look over the wall of limitations and see endless possibilities?

When I recently attended an Elizabeth Gilbert workshop (which, funnily enough, was the moment I convinced myself - or that Liz convinced me, I should say - that I was brave enough to do this), she guided us through a meditation and a phrase came to me - “walk the pathless path”. Just because we can’t see what the options are doesn’t mean they’re not there for us to find.

When the moment came

After months of preparation behind the scenes leading up to this (setting up a board structure, engaging external consultants and coaches, filling the gap that I will leave), I couldn’t wait for the moment when I could authentically tell the team about the restructure and my resignation. This business has been the recipient of my blood, sweat and tears for a decade. It took up so much space in my life and, on many occasions, felt like it took more than it gave back and, after delivering the update, I expected to be filled with adrenaline, ready for a celebratory champagne at 10am or totally overcome with emotion.

But instead, as I walked out of the office - not for the last time ever, as I will still remain a shareholder and independent board member - I felt … well, just calm. I felt grounded in my decision despite feeling as if the whole thing was utterly surreal.

I think what I felt was the sense of alignment. I did the brave thing. I kept going and kept pushing forward and as I’ve said before, I jumped over the edge without a parachute. I have no idea what my next few years will look like, career-wise. Ever an ideator, I scribble thoughts into my notes app and I see inspiration everywhere. I adore following all of the amazing creatives on Substack and I love wondering what I could create next, in my own way.

So, for now, I am free falling and I can finally write about the full, messy transitional experience in all its detail. I expect to experience the full spectrum of emotions throughout it all but I will be here to write about it. I also hope that, in some gentle way, I may nudge you forward to take that next step too - to listen to that niggle, or follow that curiosity that is quietly calling you.

Life is too short.

We deserve to make the absolute most of it and we deserve to create our own paths if the traditional ones no longer serve us.

Is there anything here that resonates for you? Where could you step over the edge, with the trust that there is something better waiting on the other side?

✨Sparkly Recommendations ✨

Things that I really needed to get me through last week:

📖 What I Read: Lou Sanders, What’s that lady doing? - I first discovered Lou Sanders on an early season of Taskmaster (yes, that gameshow I mentioned last week) and found her book. It’s a memoir from a very normal, very funny, very honest gal. I loved it and it was exactly what I needed this week. It’s extremely witty, profound in places and highly relatable as she talks about overcoming shame and learning to love and respect yourself. It’s wonderful.

🎬 What I Watched: All these small things - a new Irish movie featuring Cillian Murphy made my Ben Affleck and Matt Damon’s production company, it is based on the book of the same name by Clare Keegan. Set in Ireland in the 80s, it’s a slow moving but powerful story and, like many stories of Ireland past, not exactly uplifting, but well worth a watch (and a read). A friend and I went to see a 10.30am showing on a Wednesday - delightful!

🎧 What I Listened To: Insight timer, meditation app. This week my brain has been in utter overdrive - there has been SO MUCH GOING ON and my nervous system has been frazzled, affecting my sleep and energy levels. I added the insight timer widget to my homepage on my phone and it has prompted me to do lots of guided meditations. My body and mind are grateful for it. I find this app so good because you can literally search for whatever you fancy and it’ll be there. A godsend this week.

🍽️ What I Ate: Home cooking. I’m reminded where I get my obsession with food from when I’m around my family. Each dinner is planned meticulously before breakfast and much consideration goes into every recipe. My sister hosted us in her new home on my first night here and made a baked hake, mediterranean veg, mash and grilled asparagus (YUM). Last night, my dad whipped up a meal of baked portobello mushrooms filled with melted blue cheese, the most elaborate and delicious salad and twice cooked homemade chips - it was an outrageous feat for a Thursday evening and it was bloody delicious. I didn’t even consider photographing the mushrooms before stuffing them in my face but have a look at these chips. Ahhh, I’m in Ireland!

Nothing better.

Thanks for reading!! If you’re new here, I write essays about slow success, life transitions, and finding meaning in the mess. As well as recommending all of my favourite things every week! Reach out, I’d love to hear from you ✨