The life you want is beyond the edges of your comfort zone

Lessons from a decade of stretching the zone wider and the myth of the fearless leader

Apr 19, 2025

How often do you think about the lines around your comfort zone?

I have spent an inordinate amount of time over the years considering the concept of our comfort zones. I set up a recruitment agency in my mid twenties in Sydney, only a few years after arriving from Ireland with zero networks or community. That award winning business has built a recognisable and credible brand, employs 20 people, hires 100 contractors and turns over double-digit millions of dollars in revenue every year.

Now versus then

These days, I am seen as a thought leader in the recruitment industry in Australia, frequently invited on podcasts and to panel events, hosting my own, being interviewed for media and contacted regularly for industry soundbites and public speaking opportunities, as well as making speeches at industry conferences and award ceremonies. In recent years, these aspects of my role have become second nature - (despite stepping back from my business recently, but that’s another story). But no matter how many years have passed, I can never ever forget how these experiences used to make me feel when I was starting out in my career - absolutely bloody terrified.

In the early days, I would be deeply anxious about the idea of even meeting a client face to face. I would get sweaty palms at the thought of picking up the phone to do a sales call. I would blush obviously if someone addressed me openly in a meeting. In fact, fairly often, I thought about running away from the office and from this career without ever looking back. Turns out, once I gained my confidence, I was pretty damn good at what I did. I made friends for life, I had once in a lifetime experiences and learnt more than I could have ever dreamed of.

Fight or flight

But that doesn’t mean that it came naturally. Amid the deep fear and, at the time, overwhelming panic at the thought of putting myself out there, I still did it. Step by step, little by little, I went against everything that my poor amygdala (our fight or flight system) begged me not to do and just said yes. Yes to opportunities, yes to leadership, yes to running a start up without ever having even managed anyone, yes to this fast paced, wild ride of a career. And what I gained from that genuinely still amazes me to this day. When I think about the impact on my comfort zone, I can see it, in my mind’s eye, expanding bit by bit.

Not known for its graphic design skills, this is a rudimentary attempt of what I picture in my mind, kindly (but poorly) created by Chat GPT

The expansion

I have a firm belief that our comfort zone is an ever expanding circle. The more we stay within its confines, the smaller it gets - the more we leave it, the more things shift from being scary to becoming familiar. I have such direct and tangible experience of this and feel like my range from then until now is vast!

In the decade since starting my business (fuelled by a hearty mix of ambition, naivety and panic), I made the decision early on to be intentional about leaning into, and saying yes to, opportunities that came my way despite my (sometimes debilitating) fear.

As the years have passed, I am so aware of how much I have changed. My comfort zone continues to expand - a circle of safety and comfort around my life that, with every brave and scary decision, it inches further and further away from that teeny place where it started.

The fallacy of fearlessness

I have generously been called a fearless leader countless times throughout my career by kind colleagues, teammates and people in the industry - sure, I’ve built a very successful, sustainable business that runs without me in it (every founder’s dream) and have built a strong personal brand on LinkedIn and in Sydney but, by absolutely no means, have I demonstrated fearlessness in these pursuits.

Many times, I have been riddled with fear. With every new situation, every uncomfortable conversation, every need to put myself out there, it has required a decision - to retreat or to face it head on. And every time, despite my body, brain and nervous system screaming at me to choose the opposite, I have chosen to face the scary thing head on. As Elizabeth Gilbert says - ‘creative living is just one decision after another made with curiosity rather than fear.’

I don’t accept the title of fearless leader - nothing could be further from the truth. What I do know is that I am a brave and courageous leader and human. I don’t let fear hold me back. Where I am now is a result of teeny tiny yes’s stacked on top of each other, with each one becoming less terrifying every time. I’m sure so many of us have been in this position, where we are so afraid to do the thing, but then it seems laughable how doable the thing actually is.

“If we are going to live our best lives and be joyful on our own terms, we must expand. We must take risks, we must learn to use the word ‘NO’, we must leave our comfort zones, leave our homes to experience life, try new things, enter fresh and unknown territory, push through limiting beliefs that we have inherited.” Florence Given, Women Living Deliciously

Building blocks

It’s a slow process. It’s a reminder that we don’t change overnight into the version of ourselves that we want to be or maybe even the version of ourselves that we never even dreamt we could be. This growth is a culmination of little decisions, of little moments of bravery, of choosing to go through the hard thing, rather than skirting around it.

I am a changed person for the opportunities that I have said yes to, and I am the biggest advocate of each of us facing our fears and taking baby steps towards the things that scare us most. So often over the years, I have sat with my team and drawn a dodgy looking circle explaining this concept, in the hopes that they will trust that growth will come if they take baby steps forward, despite the discomfort.

Progress

I am so passionate about this approach because what continues to amaze me is how little the things that once caused me intense panic affect me now - public speaking, hosting events, presenting - and I still have moments of shocking myself at how naturally they come now. I don’t believe that this can purely be put down to gaining more professional experience, tenure or seniority. I believe that it is by design - it is a compounding effect of making small, brave choices every day. And I believe, so passionately, that we all have the ability to lean into this potential by just saying yes and diving in head first.

If we lean into the place of discomfort, leave behind the warmth of familiarity, just imagine all of the excitements and opportunities that can live on the other side of that line. Imagine how big our lives could be if we slowly, step by step, gradually faced our many fears - one by one, expanding into that limitless comfort zone.

This doesn’t mean that we need to go against our inner nature, put ourselves into positions that we shouldn’t be in or genuinely don’t want to be in. It doesn’t mean we don’t set boundaries but what it does mean is that we should tune in and learn to listen. We can start to make the distinction between what can be overcome by facing fear and what requires strength to move in a different direction if needed.

As Substacker and writer,

Emma Murphy

put it this week in her latest post about the safety of potential:

“Stepping out from behind potential is letting the shock of cold water meet your skin. It’s the swirl of fear and exhilaration as your feet lift from the ground, and you have no choice but to trust yourself to stay afloat.

You dive under the wave, not knowing how it will move through you, only holding onto the hope that you’ll rise on the other side.

And when you finally turn to face the shore, I promise you’ll see a version of yourself you never thought you’d become.”

Emma Murphy

The honed intuition

I’m now a version of myself that I never thought I’d become - for the better. Business bravery aside, this has trickled into how I live my life and how attuned I am with my intuition; it trickles into how I am making courageous decisions about my future. By no means am I now the bravest girl in the land - not even close. But I am a far cry from that timid, quiet, low-confidence gal that started off this crazy adventure.

Now that I’ve had extensive exposure therapy to a laundry list of things that scare me (I even went skydiving - though no notable wisdom came from that, it was just terrifying), I can now clearly discern the difference between fear and intuition, and know when to let each one lead. The season that I am currently in calls for retreating, for wintering, for space and stillness but the years I spent in a very different season have given me the tools to navigate this one with grace and confidence.

When we are in a state of fight, flight or panic, it can be hard to tune into what our gut is actually telling us. Now, when opportunities come up, I can clearly listen to my intuition when it tells me if it’s a ‘hells yes’, or a ‘nope, this isn’t in alignment right now’ without fear showing up and muddying the waters.

What about you?

It’s been a non-linear, messy, chaotic journey (but aren’t they all) yet it’s one that I wouldn’t change for the world. I’d love to know your thoughts on stepping out of your comfort zone. It’s something I think about so often - have you seen the growth that comes in leaving your safe space?

sun, sea and a sparkly life

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