Finding the wisdom in wintering

On the unease of lingering in a life in limbo

Have you ever felt stuck in the in-between?

Like you’re suspended between chapters? That’s where I’ve been - and on Monday, something shifted and it was a real breakthrough moment for me.

Where I am now

My life at the moment finds me sitting in a sticky, messy, liminal space, shrouded in uncertainty with unclear next steps in relation to my work life and my family life.

At this moment in my life, I am:
– Stepping back from my business while empowering my team to step up
– Unravelling over a decade of work and career identity
– Trying (and so far, not succeeding) to start a family
– Navigating the uncertainty and discomfort of not knowing what’s next

Rediscovering ‘wintering’

Within that stickiness, and in an attempt to find comfort in the words of others, I rediscovered the book Wintering by Katherine May. An international bestseller, not only had I heard of it before, I had actually bought it on audible years ago, listened to the first few chapters and returned it because I wasn’t feeling it at the time. I take that as absolute evidence that things will find you when they are meant to.

A couple of days before this, I was sitting at my laptop and writing into the ether that is my digital diary - a concept recommended by the wonderful Florence Given as a way to brain dump your thoughts and flex your writing muscles, which I have taken up happily. As I wrote down my thoughts - mostly nonsense - I found myself referring to May’s term ‘wintering’ as a way to describe my current stage in life.

Journalling realisations

Wrestling with opting out of the productivity cycle, my own self worth, the loss we have experienced and what the future looks like, I wrote:

“Now is a time for wintering. Once the wintering has happened, I can emerge feeling more whole, more clear and more free. That is when Spring can start - the buds of ideas, the seeds of curiosity, the start of something. But for now, I accept - it is winter. But, knowing that it is winter does not mean that this time - this space - is not without its challenges. It is the time to learn to sit, to nurture and to be still.”

Slow walks in the local park at Sunset post daylight savings with Henry

Written for me

As I wrote the above and sat with the concept that May had coined, I immediately redownloaded her book, knowing that now was the time. It accompanied me throughout my Monday, as I went about my day and, more than once, it quite literally stopped me in my tracks. I paused, I stood still, I rewound the audiobook, I furiously typed out her thoughts on the notes app on my phone as I listened. I felt insanely grateful that it found me at this time; the book felt like it was written for me. The words reaching out from the page, through her (extremely soothing) voice and straight into my soul.

"Wintering is a season in the cold. It is a fallow period in life when you're cut off from the world, feeling rejected, sidelined, blocked from progress, or cast into the role of an outsider." Katherine May

Blocked from progress.

Yes. That’s it. That is exactly how I feel. I can’t force our fertility journey along, no matter how hard I may want to try. I can’t step back from my business faster or in another way. I can’t use the gentle force and (not so gentle) hustle that has got me this far in life to get me through to the next phase.

“Perhaps you're in a period of transition and have temporarily fallen between two worlds." Katherine May

Yes - also that. I feel as if I’ve fallen between two worlds - a resident of the in-between land. The world of nearly a mother, but not quite. The world of the unemployed, but not quite. The world of the unlimited free time, but not quite. Even the world of a writer, but not quite.

Not my first void rodeo

May describes this space as a void and she believes that it can be a feeling felt during many of life’s transitions and I agree. I have felt this feeling before - I am more familiar with it than I would like to be. When I first set up my business in 2015, I hustled so hard that my body couldn’t handle it; I suffered from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and was bed-bound for months. It was absolutely terrifying. Then, years later, I was single for five years between long term relationships, years longer than I expected to be. It was extremely testing. Then, we all wintered together during the COVID years. I was in a void then too - far away from family in Ireland over in Australia, running a business, with employees I was responsible for, that had stopped generating income overnight. That was beyond isolating. So, you see, it’s not my first rodeo at falling between the cracks.

Taboo choices

And as with many big transitions, and as I have experienced myself, she says “the times when we fall out of everyday life remain taboo” and I completely agree - I’m not entirely sure what to do with myself, or explain to people what I’m doing when they ask. The question “what have you been up to?” fills me mostly with dread. I’m experiencing huge change, I am managing loss and grief, I am following curiosities and interests, I’m still working sometimes, I’m doing a lot more cooking and, somehow, I’m easily managing to fill my days.

And until this book made its way back to me, I didn’t know how to articulate this experience, even to myself. There is not a set societal explanation or label for what I’m doing - am I having a “break”? Am I on extended leave? Am I working on other things? No, I am wintering. I am, mostly, withdrawing from the world; I am in a season of reflection, recuperation and healing - a quiet period.

A clear answer

So now I know - I have a clear answer that I can happily explain, when asked. What have I been up to? Oh, I am wintering. (And I’ll respond to your what’s app once I’ve emerged in a few months, soz.)

Knowing this brings me great comfort. May tells us ““Wisdom resides in those who have wintered”. And this, I could not agree with more. I have learnt so much from the seasons when I’ve been removed from the world in some capacity; they have shaped and moulded me and created the person who I am today - the one who continues to build resilience and hone her intuition and push through, despite the unease and uncertainty - coming out the other side as a version more sure of herself.

This season has profound meaning

Inevitably, I will continue to battle and fret about making the most of this time and about what I can do to control what happens on the other side but I hope, with the awareness of the concept of wintering, I hope to take the pressure off myself, I will remind myself of the purpose of this time and the profound impact it can have.

Right now, the future doesn’t need to take any shape, not now in winter. I don’t need a crystal ball with answers, or the energy for newness and plans. For now, I will lean into patience, healing, self-compassion and acceptance; acceptance that my focus today is to navigate the here and now.

“With Winter comes wisdom” and, if nothing else, I know I will emerge from this season with more wisdom; a new perspective on the life I want to live - and I will keep reminding myself daily - that doesn’t need to be designed, controlled or managed today.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading! Does this resonate with you? Have you had a similar period of wintering, or are you in one now? What have you learnt from these periods? I hope these words help you in some way, as much as the book helped me this week. Thank you in advance for the likes, comments, restacks and kind words. This community is truly wonderful. ✨

✨Sparkly Recommendations ✨

From a week of living in the utter chaos of house renovations.

📖 What I Read: Well that’s easy - Wintering by Katherine May. If you’re going through any life transition or challenges, seek comfort in this gorgeous book.

🎬 What I Watched: The Handmaids Tale. It’s back! Episode one to three have aired. Now, you’re likely to fall into one of two categories here - you disengaged after a few seasons and have no idea what’s going on anymore or you’re fully up to speed but because it’s been three years since the last season, you also have no idea what’s going on anymore. I’m in the latter category but I’m reenergised by the fact that it’s the final season, so I’m going all in!

🎧 What I Listened To: Hard Fork podcast. I adore this tech podcast by the NY Times. It’s my non negotiable weekly listen and it brings me so much joy. The self deprecating and silly hosts make the ever evolving world of AI, tech bros in the Whitehouse and any other tech related stories completely accessible, funny and light.

🍽️ What I Ate: Mary’s Burgers. Sydneysiders, if you know, you know. Living in our home with a kitchen with no running water, no benchtop space and only an airfryer and slow cooker to sustain us, it was essential to escape the chaos for a Tuesday burger. One night away from doing dishes in the bathroom felt like an act of self care.

Boyfriend-fiancé couldn’t believe his luck when I suggested burgers on a Tuesday. Easily the best burger (and boyfriend-fiancé) in Sydney. 📍Marys, Newtown

P.S. If you’re new here, I write essays about slow success, life transitions, and finding meaning in the mess. As well as recommending all of my favourite things every week! Reach out, I’d love to hear from you ✨