As a childless-not-by-choice woman, I felt that my life’s “purpose” had been denied me - and part of my recovery from that was to find another “purpose”. And I went at it HARD and, as someone who has written, spoken and helped a lot of other childless women through this, questions around “meaning and purpose” are some of the most common I receive.
I think for me (and many others) there's a hope that once we find that “one thing” we will be cured of our grief and inoculated against future disappointment, heartbreak and loss… But life doesn’t work that way and even if you do find a purpose, it doesn’t stay fixed and satisfying—because as we evolve, so does what feels meaningful and purposeful!
It’s all about being in the dance again, and that’s hard when you’ve been deeply hurt by life in a way that mainstream culture neither understands nor respects.
Thanks for sharing this. I’m kid-free by choice, but also feel because of my choice to go against societal norms of having a family, etc., I don’t have a bigger purpose. It’s something I’m working on.
Sinéad, I really like this perspective. For a long time, I was obsessed with finding my purpose and at the time fully leaning into everything that people like Simon Sinek said. I kept going back and forth on what my purpose might be but never really found anything that truly fit. It made me feel inferior and like I hadn't figured it out. Things shifted when I decided to leave that behind. I have a "1" tattooed on my wrist. It's a constant reminder that we only have one life so I'd rather live every moment of this one life being as present as I can then chasing some idea that I don't even fully stand behind.
Oh I love that! I too went down a Simon Sinek hole! He definitely brings a more human side to leadership but the whole concept of your why or your purpose can cause purpose anxiety for sure!
Same here, also a Simon Sinek fan and the why is generally speaking a great idea, also to align with your team - but it's not necessarily your one and only purpose.
I agree with this so much! I really think that our purpose is simply to live our lives as the humans we are and how we do that doesn't really matter and is up to us. Follow our desires yes, but there doesn't have to ever be a grand dream career or movement. There can be if that's what we want to create, but let's really get into what our own desires are not all the things we've been taught to desire or the frameworks we think we need to fit our desires into. Let's live our lives as simple little humans in whatever ways we can, choose, and desire to. That's a marvelous little purpose.
Staying curious is so essential. Because a purpose can change and evolve - an important purpose for me right now is being an engaged and loving mother to my kids, and an engaged and productive business owner and boss - but those important purposes will shift and morph over time, which is exciting to think about 🤔
First off, how lucky you got to spend a weekend at a workshop with Liz Gilbert! 😍 I don't know you, yet as a fellow Liz admirer, I'm totally ecstatic for you 🤩
I think I'm one of those peculiar ones where I was clued into 'my purpose' from a very young age. I knew what I loved, what lit up my soul and what I was good at. Even when my understanding of my purpose deepens or the form slightly shifts - the essence of it remains the same. I've almost always known what 'my purpose' was.
However, recently my perspective on what a purpose even is, has changed. Even in my situation, the anxiety of making sure that I fulfill my purpose was there and the disappointment or failure I would feel when I couldn't fulfill my purpose via action would be great. Now, however, I don't think that we have to fulfil our purpose via chasing actions and I think that WE ARE our purpose. Who we are, what makes us happy, etc. Not necessarily something we do.
I talk a little about this in my latest post. The topic of purpose is one that always fascinates me. Thanks for writing this! 🙏🏼
Oh thank you for sharing, I will go read it now! Yes, extremely lucky to have had access to her brain for a weekend, it was magical! I can imagine that there is also pressure for knowing what your purpose is too, the whole concept seems like a lose lose situation!!
Loved this read! I have also really enjoyed following Liz Gilbert's personal journey and find her to be someone who feels more and more grounded as she ages. I'm so glad we exist at the same time! I am someone whose college's slogan was "find your purpose." I remember graduating and saying, "do I get any money back if I didn't find my purpose?" I did know, big picture, connecting with people, building deep relationships, getting to know the world were all important things, but through my twenties and even in the last few years there has been that nagging idea of purpose. I think it is helpful to have some type of waymarkers in life, and it sounds like the list of things you love that Liz had you create were just that! I am finding that accepting the opportunities to root down into my friendships, my communities, and my delights are more and more what I want out of life.
She really is incredible, isn’t she? Her story is amazing and we’re so lucky that she shares so openly. I’m so excited for her September memoir!! And agree, it really is the simpler things that equal joy!
I often think of how much I love to lay on the couch with my cats, and sleeping in bed next to my husband with my two cats on me. Then I often wonder if this is my purpose... To snuggle cats and feel comfy and loved.
Maybe it is. There are other things I love too. Put it all together and that feels like purpose to me.
Thank you for sharing these gold nuggets from yours workshop with that incredible woman!
This resonates a lot: I was dead in the “find your purpose” culture, and yes, this creates immense pressure. Until, last year, something shifted in me (thanks to perfectly aligned life events) and I saw it. I saw that life (my life) doesn’t have to be this incredible, story-ready thing. I don’t have to Martha Stewart, Elizabeth Gilbert, Martha Beck, Oprah… to be happy. In other words: It’s ok to be average. Phewwww pressure deflated inside me like a ballon that was about to burst and hurt like a mofo.
Since then, I ofc still have purpose pressure, but less. A life filled with the little joys you listed in your enchantment list is perfectly fine for me now. Because I trust that when you follow your bliss (not propose) in every little moment (not your big B, official, bliss aka purpose), you end up being of service to others and you end living a fulfilling life.
Funny how we overthink things and create unevessary loops and convolutions in our minds. Blame it on our post-scarcity society - or as my mother would say “you’ve got too much time on your hands!” :)
Thank you for sharing, and for reading my thoughts. As you can see, they are abundant on this subject! 🥰
Stumbled across this post - I guess the algorithm can smell how deep I am in my Liz Gilbert era right now. I'm working with a Spinal Energetics practitioner here in Melbourne and she told me yesterday to "follow my fun-crumbs". I went ice skating today, something that I've not done for about 20 years but is still what I imagine myself doing when I can't sleep at night. I had THE MOST blissful day. I was so present, so happy, so free.
Totally resonate with needing to have a “bigger purpose” being childless. I’m trying to do what Liz (and you) suggests… find what brings me joy. How do I want to live each day? What does that look like?? Letting go of the idea that it has to be this big thing. Not so easy, but working on it…. Maybe I feel like this bc so many with kids talk about it being the BEST thing in their life… it’s hard not to feel the need to compensate when you feel like you’re missing out on such a big thing….but again, I’m working on it. Thanks for sharing. 🤍☺️
Thanks for reading! I think finding joy in each day is the best approach for sure. I just wrote a post about this too from the joys in my last week. Hope you enjoy the journey of discovering those mini joys 😊
I have never been told by anyone “to find my purpose“. If I had, I would most likely ignore them.
Isn't it possible that the anxiety you're talking about comes more from caring about what others think and giving others power over you?
I know for a fact that giving others power over you definitely creates anxiety.
It is also a fact that if a person has no self-worth and feels useless then this also can lead to sadness. So finding purpose as a process to finding self-worth actually works. Making happiness a byproduct of positive change instead of something one searches for outside of themselves.
If your “purpose“ is dependent on what someone else prescribes as meaningful then it's not authentically “your purpose”. Again this is anxiety caused by giving others power over you. Telling you what you should think of as valuable and meaningful.
Finding authentic purpose doesn't require anyone else to tell you what is valuable or what is useful. It can be anything that you honestly feel worth doing.
Finding your authentic purpose is a valid path in life. One that can cause happiness to happen serendipitously along the way.
I completely agree, I think it takes a lot of bravery to walk a life that society doesn’t necessarily consider successful but that doesn’t mean that society’s version will make you happy!
I was literally thinking about this after I woke up this morning, that idea of purpose-anxiety. How, lately, I’ve been so focused on what my next “thing” will be that I am now stressing about it and feeling overwhelmed. I realized I’ve been focusing too much on future plans and need to come back to the present, to the life I’m living right now. To trust in the divine timing of things rather than forcing plans to take shape now. Allow the process to unfold. Allow the time it takes to integrate the changes happening and information being received. You are exactly where you’re meant to be. Even during the times when it feels like nothing is happening. Seeds are being planted. There is energy in motion.
I agree, do the things that bring you joy. Practice gratitude for where you are now. When I let go of all the expectations and ideas of “shoulds” I think our purpose is simply to love. Love ourselves. Love each other. Love the world. It always comes back to LOVE.
I love this and I completely agree. I actually just wrote my latest post about this - getting comfortable in the uncertainty. And yes yes to divine timing, although it can be hard to try to force a plan (in my personal experience)!
Love this. I saw Liz in Melbourne, and it was so joyous. What if our life was about experiencing these beautiful moments, and not that "success" over there in the future? There is no destination, only the journey.
Wow, I didn't know how much I needed to read this. I'm frequently (and as of right now even more) questioning myself about this purpose thing. I already know that the search for a "dream job" is much more anxiety-inducing that just a regular job. But yeah, the search for purpose increases my anxiety and my sense of worthiness, as I'm always feeling lkike I'm not doing enough. It makes me compare myself with others, while I'm doing so many things that i don't even take the time to realize how far I've come. Thanks for sharing this :) love it!
Thanks for the little peek into the workshop experience!
I read something where it was suggested that we can think of having "multiple life-purposes." I really liked that.
It eases of some pressure and creates the chance to embrace our different sides/roles - and even think outside ourselves (like our purpose in relationships, our art, our communities, our work, etc.)
It's normal to wonder "what the point of it all," so having a few answers helps! Especially if one of them is about swimming in the sea 🥰
As a childless-not-by-choice woman, I felt that my life’s “purpose” had been denied me - and part of my recovery from that was to find another “purpose”. And I went at it HARD and, as someone who has written, spoken and helped a lot of other childless women through this, questions around “meaning and purpose” are some of the most common I receive.
I think for me (and many others) there's a hope that once we find that “one thing” we will be cured of our grief and inoculated against future disappointment, heartbreak and loss… But life doesn’t work that way and even if you do find a purpose, it doesn’t stay fixed and satisfying—because as we evolve, so does what feels meaningful and purposeful!
It’s all about being in the dance again, and that’s hard when you’ve been deeply hurt by life in a way that mainstream culture neither understands nor respects.
💛 thanks for sharing. Completely agree with you about it not being fixed. We change and grow and evolve and life moves with us!
Thanks for sharing this. I’m kid-free by choice, but also feel because of my choice to go against societal norms of having a family, etc., I don’t have a bigger purpose. It’s something I’m working on.
Do you follow Emma Gannon on here? She writes about this a lot!
Ah yes, I do! I’ve seen a few of her posts on the topic. Great reads. Thanks for the reminder. ;)
Pleasure!
Purpose does not cure us of grief.
Thank you for sharing this 🫶🏼🫶🏼
Exactly right 💛
Sinéad, I really like this perspective. For a long time, I was obsessed with finding my purpose and at the time fully leaning into everything that people like Simon Sinek said. I kept going back and forth on what my purpose might be but never really found anything that truly fit. It made me feel inferior and like I hadn't figured it out. Things shifted when I decided to leave that behind. I have a "1" tattooed on my wrist. It's a constant reminder that we only have one life so I'd rather live every moment of this one life being as present as I can then chasing some idea that I don't even fully stand behind.
Oh I love that! I too went down a Simon Sinek hole! He definitely brings a more human side to leadership but the whole concept of your why or your purpose can cause purpose anxiety for sure!
Yes, absolutely. I still love the idea of knowing “why” you are here but I think we often overcomplicate that.
Agree, it’s a lot simpler than we think!
Same here, also a Simon Sinek fan and the why is generally speaking a great idea, also to align with your team - but it's not necessarily your one and only purpose.
Yes, I would totally agree with that!
I agree with this so much! I really think that our purpose is simply to live our lives as the humans we are and how we do that doesn't really matter and is up to us. Follow our desires yes, but there doesn't have to ever be a grand dream career or movement. There can be if that's what we want to create, but let's really get into what our own desires are not all the things we've been taught to desire or the frameworks we think we need to fit our desires into. Let's live our lives as simple little humans in whatever ways we can, choose, and desire to. That's a marvelous little purpose.
Yes!! It really is the simple things!
I. AM. ENOUGH.✨
Staying curious is so essential. Because a purpose can change and evolve - an important purpose for me right now is being an engaged and loving mother to my kids, and an engaged and productive business owner and boss - but those important purposes will shift and morph over time, which is exciting to think about 🤔
Completely, life is all about seasons. What was important to me ten years ago is very different to now!
First off, how lucky you got to spend a weekend at a workshop with Liz Gilbert! 😍 I don't know you, yet as a fellow Liz admirer, I'm totally ecstatic for you 🤩
I think I'm one of those peculiar ones where I was clued into 'my purpose' from a very young age. I knew what I loved, what lit up my soul and what I was good at. Even when my understanding of my purpose deepens or the form slightly shifts - the essence of it remains the same. I've almost always known what 'my purpose' was.
However, recently my perspective on what a purpose even is, has changed. Even in my situation, the anxiety of making sure that I fulfill my purpose was there and the disappointment or failure I would feel when I couldn't fulfill my purpose via action would be great. Now, however, I don't think that we have to fulfil our purpose via chasing actions and I think that WE ARE our purpose. Who we are, what makes us happy, etc. Not necessarily something we do.
I talk a little about this in my latest post. The topic of purpose is one that always fascinates me. Thanks for writing this! 🙏🏼
Oh thank you for sharing, I will go read it now! Yes, extremely lucky to have had access to her brain for a weekend, it was magical! I can imagine that there is also pressure for knowing what your purpose is too, the whole concept seems like a lose lose situation!!
Loved this read! I have also really enjoyed following Liz Gilbert's personal journey and find her to be someone who feels more and more grounded as she ages. I'm so glad we exist at the same time! I am someone whose college's slogan was "find your purpose." I remember graduating and saying, "do I get any money back if I didn't find my purpose?" I did know, big picture, connecting with people, building deep relationships, getting to know the world were all important things, but through my twenties and even in the last few years there has been that nagging idea of purpose. I think it is helpful to have some type of waymarkers in life, and it sounds like the list of things you love that Liz had you create were just that! I am finding that accepting the opportunities to root down into my friendships, my communities, and my delights are more and more what I want out of life.
She really is incredible, isn’t she? Her story is amazing and we’re so lucky that she shares so openly. I’m so excited for her September memoir!! And agree, it really is the simpler things that equal joy!
I often think of how much I love to lay on the couch with my cats, and sleeping in bed next to my husband with my two cats on me. Then I often wonder if this is my purpose... To snuggle cats and feel comfy and loved.
Maybe it is. There are other things I love too. Put it all together and that feels like purpose to me.
Sounds ideal! 🐈🐈⬛
Thank you for sharing these gold nuggets from yours workshop with that incredible woman!
This resonates a lot: I was dead in the “find your purpose” culture, and yes, this creates immense pressure. Until, last year, something shifted in me (thanks to perfectly aligned life events) and I saw it. I saw that life (my life) doesn’t have to be this incredible, story-ready thing. I don’t have to Martha Stewart, Elizabeth Gilbert, Martha Beck, Oprah… to be happy. In other words: It’s ok to be average. Phewwww pressure deflated inside me like a ballon that was about to burst and hurt like a mofo.
Since then, I ofc still have purpose pressure, but less. A life filled with the little joys you listed in your enchantment list is perfectly fine for me now. Because I trust that when you follow your bliss (not propose) in every little moment (not your big B, official, bliss aka purpose), you end up being of service to others and you end living a fulfilling life.
Funny how we overthink things and create unevessary loops and convolutions in our minds. Blame it on our post-scarcity society - or as my mother would say “you’ve got too much time on your hands!” :)
Thank you for sharing, and for reading my thoughts. As you can see, they are abundant on this subject! 🥰
Stumbled across this post - I guess the algorithm can smell how deep I am in my Liz Gilbert era right now. I'm working with a Spinal Energetics practitioner here in Melbourne and she told me yesterday to "follow my fun-crumbs". I went ice skating today, something that I've not done for about 20 years but is still what I imagine myself doing when I can't sleep at night. I had THE MOST blissful day. I was so present, so happy, so free.
I loveee this!! I’m back in a Liz era too so hard relate!
Totally resonate with needing to have a “bigger purpose” being childless. I’m trying to do what Liz (and you) suggests… find what brings me joy. How do I want to live each day? What does that look like?? Letting go of the idea that it has to be this big thing. Not so easy, but working on it…. Maybe I feel like this bc so many with kids talk about it being the BEST thing in their life… it’s hard not to feel the need to compensate when you feel like you’re missing out on such a big thing….but again, I’m working on it. Thanks for sharing. 🤍☺️
Thanks for reading! I think finding joy in each day is the best approach for sure. I just wrote a post about this too from the joys in my last week. Hope you enjoy the journey of discovering those mini joys 😊
I have never been told by anyone “to find my purpose“. If I had, I would most likely ignore them.
Isn't it possible that the anxiety you're talking about comes more from caring about what others think and giving others power over you?
I know for a fact that giving others power over you definitely creates anxiety.
It is also a fact that if a person has no self-worth and feels useless then this also can lead to sadness. So finding purpose as a process to finding self-worth actually works. Making happiness a byproduct of positive change instead of something one searches for outside of themselves.
If your “purpose“ is dependent on what someone else prescribes as meaningful then it's not authentically “your purpose”. Again this is anxiety caused by giving others power over you. Telling you what you should think of as valuable and meaningful.
Finding authentic purpose doesn't require anyone else to tell you what is valuable or what is useful. It can be anything that you honestly feel worth doing.
Finding your authentic purpose is a valid path in life. One that can cause happiness to happen serendipitously along the way.
I completely agree, I think it takes a lot of bravery to walk a life that society doesn’t necessarily consider successful but that doesn’t mean that society’s version will make you happy!
I was literally thinking about this after I woke up this morning, that idea of purpose-anxiety. How, lately, I’ve been so focused on what my next “thing” will be that I am now stressing about it and feeling overwhelmed. I realized I’ve been focusing too much on future plans and need to come back to the present, to the life I’m living right now. To trust in the divine timing of things rather than forcing plans to take shape now. Allow the process to unfold. Allow the time it takes to integrate the changes happening and information being received. You are exactly where you’re meant to be. Even during the times when it feels like nothing is happening. Seeds are being planted. There is energy in motion.
I agree, do the things that bring you joy. Practice gratitude for where you are now. When I let go of all the expectations and ideas of “shoulds” I think our purpose is simply to love. Love ourselves. Love each other. Love the world. It always comes back to LOVE.
Thank you for sharing!
I love this and I completely agree. I actually just wrote my latest post about this - getting comfortable in the uncertainty. And yes yes to divine timing, although it can be hard to try to force a plan (in my personal experience)!
Love this. I saw Liz in Melbourne, and it was so joyous. What if our life was about experiencing these beautiful moments, and not that "success" over there in the future? There is no destination, only the journey.
Oh wasn’t she just amazing!? I honestly could just follow her around soaking up her wisdom all day every day!!
Wow, I didn't know how much I needed to read this. I'm frequently (and as of right now even more) questioning myself about this purpose thing. I already know that the search for a "dream job" is much more anxiety-inducing that just a regular job. But yeah, the search for purpose increases my anxiety and my sense of worthiness, as I'm always feeling lkike I'm not doing enough. It makes me compare myself with others, while I'm doing so many things that i don't even take the time to realize how far I've come. Thanks for sharing this :) love it!
That makes me very happy to hear! Life is hard enough, as if we need all this extra pressure on us too 💛
Thanks for the little peek into the workshop experience!
I read something where it was suggested that we can think of having "multiple life-purposes." I really liked that.
It eases of some pressure and creates the chance to embrace our different sides/roles - and even think outside ourselves (like our purpose in relationships, our art, our communities, our work, etc.)
It's normal to wonder "what the point of it all," so having a few answers helps! Especially if one of them is about swimming in the sea 🥰
Multiple life purposes is a great approach, definitely if one is swimming in the sea!