When January just isn't going to plan

And one of my worst post-holiday 'return to work' weeks ever

A slow year

I started the year slow. I wrote about it. This wasn’t going to be the year to achieve huge goals - my words of the year are peace and progress, after all. This was the year to invite intention and slowness into my life. It was not going to be a year for pace but I was still ready to kick the year off with a (slow and intentional) bang.

I had completed my five step process with my other half; to reflect on last year and set intentions for the year ahead. I had my trusty planner by my side, scribbling enthusiastically about how this year was going to be. I was excited about the gym and for pilates, for routine and health. I was all ready, the stage had been set.

And yet (and this really does seem to be the theme of my life at the moment), the universe had other plans.

Sickness

I had one remote working day from home on Monday. Caught up on emails, had a few catch up calls with my team to hear how their breaks were, an in person coffee catch up with another. Nothing too taxing - the work new year was starting well.

Fast forward to day two - Tuesday. I’m in the office; our gorgeous co-working office hosts put on a fabulous return to office breakfast spread for us all. There were a few meetings, jokes about needing to remember what we did for a living as we bumbled through our action lists from meetings that occurred in the end of year haze. I made it to about midday before feeling like I was coming down with something and starting to feel dreadful. Blocked sinuses, headache, chills (despite being 30 degrees in Sydney), I knew where this was going.

Glorious sunshine in Sydney whilst I’m rocking a Northern Hemisphere style winter cold

The fight with myself

I now sit here typing this on Thursday afternoon, having spent the last two and a half days in bed. Surrounded by tissues, pumped up on vitamin C and echinacea and feeling extremely sorry for myself. Full of pity but also, resigned. (Not from work, it wasn’t that bad a few hours back). Resigned from fighting my body and fighting with myself.

Usually, a cold/ flu sickness meets me like this:

• Body: Can we slow down please?

• Me: But I have been resting, didn’t you see me? I was resting just before

• Body: We need more rest

• Me: Absolutely not, you’ve had enough

• Body: Well then here is a sickness that will slow you down (and make you snotty)

• Me: Dammit

But it doesn’t end there. There is usually more fight, more resistance, more forcing.

Growth and lessons

We know that growth isn’t linear. We know that lessons keep appearing and reappearing to make absolute sure that we have learnt what we need to from them. As I type this from my sickbed, I still feel sorry for myself, I still feel frustration about how my new year energy has started.

With a new lens though, I also feel compassion. My body has been through a LOT this past six months. Sure, I had an extremely restful, nature filled break, but my body is obviously going through the wringer and needs some extra care.

I feel patient. There is no rush - every upcoming event, plan and goal is arbitrary and health and recovery really can take the forefront as priority number one.

I feel less guilt at the thought of letting my team and colleagues down. They care about me and they want what’s best for my health, as I would want for them. But I have spent ten years setting my business up so that it can thrive without me in the day to day.

So, the universe took my intention of starting the year slowly far too literally. A nice, grounding reminder that we can make all the plans we like but we just never know what is around the corner.

One thing that is very much on track, however, is my no spend year. I wrote about committing to a no spend year after calculating how much money I spent on Depop last year. Although we are only 17 days in, I am proud to have bought nothing other than groceries and a couple of books. This is definitely one area that is getting a solid tick - nipping over-consumption in the bud only delivers the good feels!

How is your January lining up with your your expectations?

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